You Gotta Luv A Smartass!
Here is something I found in my inbox today. Normally I don’t even bother to open forwarded items such as these but I had a glimpse at the preview window and got quite a chuckle from some of these ‘smartass’ responses.
Great Smart Ass Answers!
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
‘Would you like dinner’, the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. ‘What are my choices’?, John asked. ‘Yes or No’, she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight Attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.’
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy. ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger’?
‘No ma’am, they’re dead.’
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The Police Officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. ‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the Officer said.
The kid replied, ‘Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way, without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that said, ‘Low Bridge Ahead.’
Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him. His truck gets wedged under it and cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes. The cop gets out of his car, walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says ‘Got stuck, huh?’ The truck driver says, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.’
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR!
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.
‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a Nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses, whatsoever!’
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, ‘What would you say, if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’ The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head sweetly said, ‘Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.’
A BONUS EXTRA!
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible: I look old, fat and ugly, I really need you to pay me a compliment.’ The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better…
Without seeing any reason to believe that women are, on the average, so strong physically, intellectually, or morally, as men, I cannot shut my eyes to the fact that many women are much better endowed in all these respects than many men, and I am at a loss to understand on what grounds of justice or public policy a career which is open to the weakest and most foolish of the male sex should be forcibly closed to women of vigor and capacity.–Thomas Henry Huxley
Ah yes, Thomax Husxley…a man after my own heart. A man who was cynical about his own, masterful in his chicanery and all around just plain cool.
That women have been and can be as strong or even stronger than many men is obvious to me and while it may not be readily recognized in this ignorant place I call home, the facts speak for themselves. I know men of every respect, completely lacking education, skills and even experience and yet many of them–if able to put on enough machismo and confidence effect– are able to secure positions where they are paid far greater wages than I would garner with 10 degrees. Why is that?
Now before , dear reader, you go off with some miserable and pat answer as “oh, she’s another feminist” or some such ignorance, I think it is important here that you really consider this reality. You may be male and thinking that this simply isn’t true. That women in fact do have just as much opportunity as men to make as much money as men do. That would have been your first blunder. If you believe that, you do not have the same facts I do.
Google is your friend.
The 2008 ACS median earnings of men in the United States who worked full-time, year-round were $45,556. For women, the median earnings were $35,471, or 77.9 percent of men’s earnings.
Okay so this is in the United States but sadly, it’s even worse on average for women in Canada from the results of different studies.
Now how is it that a woman’s work is valued less to this day? How is it that we are jammed into “supporting” roles in the workforce as administrative assistants and secretaries?
I’d much rather be called a ‘reformer’ than a feminist. Feminism implies the assumption that I hate men. How inane. Don’t even go there. But how is it that women are the larger population of those coming out of post-secondary educations and yet THEY are paid less than their less educated male counterparts? This makes no sense to me, none whatsoever.
I’ll start respecting men again when they stand up for this crap and stop expecting their wives, girlfriends and daughters to earn less than they deserve.And not just being placated with, “oh I know, it’s just not fair that you women don’t get paid more” while doing absolutely NOTHING, SQUAT, NADA to change it.
Nope. I won’t respect. Not until I see it. Respect goes both ways.
BOTH ways.
Which brings me to my next favourite cynic on women’s issues.
Women have a hard time of it in this world. They are oppressed by man-made laws, man-made social customs, masculine egoism, the delusion of masculine superiority. Their one comfort is the assurance that, even though it may be impossible to prevail against man, it is always possible to enslave and torture a man. –Henry Lewis Mencken
If men wish to be treated “fairly,” I think it’s high time they started proving the point.
Today’s Mood: Depressed
I haven’t found work yet. I’ve been searching for nearly 6 months and nothing. I’ve had ONE interview with a local lawyer as a “legal assistant,” something that isn’t even remotely in my field.
I completed my Bachelors degree in English Rhetoric and Media Studies in June. I’ve been at university for 5 years. Five years of near starvation mode with 2 kids to feed and one that hung around for a year who has now gone back to his dad’s in Kirkland Lake. I couldn’t afford to take care of him. He couldn’t afford to stick around. Don’t blame him. There was nothing for him here and he missed his friendships.
Speaking of friendships…I have none. None in the sense that I actually have someone I can call just to talk or anyone I can ever hang out with where I’m not a third wheel in their life. Not that talking is going to solve my work problems or alleviate my financial struggles but I do envy those who have close friends and family they can talk with when times are tough. I’m at a loss. I just sent in two more resumes.
I’m tired. I’m lonely. I’m just feeling spent. Life isn’t at all going the way I had hoped it would and this place, well, this place is even more depressing. This whole thing of everyone being sick and the economy being what it is has been weighing on everyone. So many are struggling.
I’ve started applying for jobs that I am considered “over qualified” for. I don’t care anymore. I just need to survive and I’m a sole support parent with mouths to feed. It is nights like these that I feel that my life has been nothing but a long, drawn out mess.
Staying optimistic and positive would be the right thing to do now. Maybe reaching out to someone, anyone would be a good thing. Then again, I don’t want to impose on anyone. Everyone is always so busy with their own ‘stuff.’ I know what that’s like.
Maudlin reflection is a useless passtime, I know. Nevertheless, this is where my thoughts bring me on days like these.
I’m wondering why I don’t have working friendships? Everyone seems to either be in relationships so a single woman as a friend isn’t compatible there. They’re all meeting men. I am not ready for a relationship. I don’t know that I ever was. Regardless, I’m feeling pretty down tonight. This is at least helping me get it out.
It’s funny, when you’re younger, it seems so easy to have friends. They are all over the place. There is always someone you can call just to spend time with or talk. Now, everyone is always so busy. I hear stuff like “well, I’m going to go watch a movie with my ‘guy’ so I gotta go… or I am stuck with awkward moments around male friends who cross the line into wanting more. I can’t give that now.
I feel so inadequate. I mean what the hell is wrong with me? I am told by my vocational counsellors that I’m “very marketable” and yet, no job. I get told that I’m “such a good friend” all the time, but I’m so alone! This isn’t making any sense. Ugh.
I miss having a best friend. I miss spending time with people OTHER than my kids. I miss feeling like I have a life. Most of all, I miss feeling that I contribute value to anyone’s life but my children’s and I don’t even feel equipped to do that very well.
Maybe I just suck. Maybe I always sucked.
(NSFW) The Work of…Sam Jinks
Dog Head-Sam Jinks
This man is not real. At least not in the sense that he’s human. Believe it or not, this is a sculpture made of silicone and the head of a dog.
Sam Jinks is an amazing sculptor. I found Sam’s work through another website some time ago and I have been following his work ever since. Please visit his site and see if you too aren’t completely amazed at this man’s incredible ability to bring silicone to life.
Note: Some images may not be suitable for work browsing. (NSFW)
KISS and Adam Lambert..does it get any better?
You know, there are talented people and there are entertainers. I don’t think it’ll be hard to see why entertainers are appreciated so much. Adam fits right in. So nostalgic. Enjoy folks!
A Singer Worth Getting Into
Jason Mraz. Sheer awesomeness! Love his sound and absolutely bow to his talent. The man has a voice that interacts with my ears in a very delicious way.
Here’s one of my favorites by Jason.
Lyrics
“You And I Both”
Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice I’m looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of the love, the love that I love.
See I’m all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages for words
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now,
Oh love, no
You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore, mmm…
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now
Well I’m almost finally out of
I’m finally out of
Finally deedeedeedee
Well I’m almost finally, finally
Well I’m free, oh, I’m free
And it’s okay if you have to go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I’ll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that’s okay
Cause I’ll remember everything you sang
Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see me now
well I’m almost finally out of.
I’m finally out of, finally, deedeeededede
well I’m almost finally, finally, out of words.
I hate him, I hate him not…
Every time you see this image, you can be sure that it will have everything to do with my ‘take’ on men. While I insist on diplomacy and tact in all of my business dealings, this is my blog. Free speech is encouraged here. That however does not give me free license to denigrate men or put them down in an irresponsible fashion. I will do my best to be kind.
Disclaimer: I reserve the right to change my opinions at any given time. Attempting to condemn me based on my honest appraisal and experiences here will avail you nothing. That said…let me begin.
If I sat across from some authority on the topic of men in general, you would probably see me assuming an awkward facial expression. Of all the struggles I have encountered in life, men have been my ultimate nemesis. But before I go on, let me also point out that I am fully aware of the folly of my own approach with this topic. I don’t expect to make any sense here…these are ramblings, rants, ravings and sometimes quiet observations. So chill…this likely isn’t at all about you, but if the shoe fits, by all means consider yourself called out.
I think for all girls, the model of their relationship with their father will play a huge role in how they perceive men in the future. Such is the case with me. My relationship with my father was somewhat lacking–lacking in that I really didn’t know a lot about the man except through what everyone else told me. These ‘others’ were often bereft to offer me an accurate portrayal of the man as they had their own motives in either denigrating him or elevating him to impossible heights of nobility. Neither side has convinced me that I could have ever understood him, which brings me to my next thought.
My experience with men has been that they haven’t offered me license to care. What I mean is that, in general, most of the men I’ve met and had the privilege of participating in some form of relatedness with have all shared the same feature–they don’t share their feelings about important things except when they need to save face or their sorry ass. This is one distinctive feature of men that has always turned me off. So much so that I now find myself wondering if intimacy can really be achieved except with a man who is somewhat effeminate in his sensitivity (an approach that rarely works with me) or one whose vulnerability is solely to gain my favour.
I have often heard that men are not encouraged to share their feelings. Okay, I’ll accept that as valid. I’ve seen men interact. They have about as much mercy on each other as a lion has on a gazelle. But aside from that, what is with their seeming incapacity for real honesty? Further, what is it with the pattern of me attracting less than honest men into my life? I think most would rather manipulate you into the desired position than just say outright what it is they want from you. Are men such cowards to rejection that they simply can’t accept the word ‘no?’
When I use the act of lying as an example of the issues I struggle with when it comes to men, I am referring to the kind of lying that is like a form of denial. The ‘drinkers’ are ‘social drinkers’ meanwhile they would blow over if they were tested, and yet they get into their vehicles and drive. They say they don’t have drinking problems.
Gamblers never have a problem. It’s okay as long as your money never runs out. Rarely does anyone notice the problem (like he just blew his entire paycheck at the casino) until the bills can’t be paid or the family begins to suffer. And of course, they have a lot of nerve to expect him to provide considering ‘the wife’ could go out and work. He wouldn’t have to escape so much if his life were only easier.
And what about the jilted ex-husband? The man who has every nasty and horrible thing to say about his ex-wife but forgets about the first few months when he was begging every which way to Sunday to get her back after she had left.
Babies, children, irresponsible teenagers–this is how I view these men. As long as they bring in a significant enough paycheck, they seem to think they are absolved from taking real , true responsibility for their families, their relationships and themselves. I am deterred from men as a result of what I’ve seen from men. I see selfish, self-serving, inconsiderate babies who disguise their dependencies with thinly veiled machismo.
Well, I’m not falling for it again.
